rambling

Today has been a very thought provoking day. I've noticed lately that I feel as if things have been a little out of control. I remember back about a year ago when I wasn't the assistant manager at work. I would come home usually every night feeling as if I had worked as hard as I possibly could. I was an asset to the company. I was overweight....nothing new, but I didn't feel overweight. Flash forward a year. I sit at work feeling as if I could walk out the door and the work would somehow get accomplished without me. I have gotten lazy, not just with work but with life. I use to think that marriage would be easier if he just listened to me....clearly I'm always right. But i have realized that I'm wrong. Which was a hard lesson to learn. His favorite quote it seems is "You choose to be happy". My response would be a grumble and I would instantly think "well I wasn't the one that made the front room the mess, so clearly you are the one that made me unhappy".

Today was as normal as any other day. I went to work, got the things I needed to accomplish checked off the list. Then I had a heart to heart with my boss and friend Shanna. We talked about our goals. I was brutally honest and told her how I was lazy, and my ideas of how I could change those things. After getting everything off my chest we got dressed and went to the gym. We didn't impress ourselves there. We had walked about 7 miles on Saturday in preparation for the marathon this weekend, so I think our bodies were still a lil upset about that. After the gym I drove home. As I was driving home I looked over to the right and saw the walking track that is less than a mile from my house. "How come I haven't taken advantage of that track more?" I swerved over into the parking lot and started to walk. I thought about my life. Where I am as a person is not where I want to be.

It was so nice to take some alone time and think these things through. I get so worked up with life and I never really take a moment to really evaluate where I am. Me and Shanna have this running joke that we say almost everyday....we will be full, stuffed to the rim with cafe rio, and instead of stopping we will continue on and i'll say "Welp, tomorrow is another day." This coming from the overweight chick that at times wonders "How did I get this huge?". It is all starting to make sense now (:

After my walk I feel so much better. I am going to be a better manager at work. I want to be an asset like I use to be! Someone that is proud at the end of the day of all that she has accomplished. I am striving to be a better wife. If that means cleaning more, or smiling more, or just not letting the small stuff take control of me, then so be it. I have got to take control of my weight issues. My goal is to walk that stupid track at least 3 times a week, but still continue to commit to the gym.

Tomorrow may be a new day, but I have decided to change the things in my life right now.